Friday, January 21, 2011

Intrepidatious

I know it means fearless and adventurous but seriously if you knew me you'd know I will probably never get to use this word in description of myself. Honestly. The most adventurous I've gotten in the last couple years is trying pasta salad (I got this thing about food groups touching and pasta salad seems to be defined as a jumble of different food groups just jammed all in a bowl together, yikes). And fearless doesn't apply either, I'm afraid (pun intended). But some words are just awesome and unfortunately the opportunity to use them rarely presents itself and when it does, the speaker tends to sound like a pompous ass.

I can tell I'm really making a difference with the exercising and eating right. I did 40 minutes on the elliptical today and it wasn't as challenging as last week, even at a higher incline & resistance. Don't get me wrong I was bright red and sweating buckets and smelly. That sounds so gross but that's what you get when a big fat woman works out for 40 minutes straight.... a red, sweaty, smelly mess. Anyway, it felt easier on my lungs & on my legs than it did last week. Less like work. More like fun. It helps that I finally got around to putting my cool down/warm up and run playlists on my iPod and I'm not thumbing through hundreds of songs trying to find another song with an inspiring-move-your-fat-ass-NOW-bitch beat.

Today's work out daydream was me in an awesome bikini top & board shorts at a bar-b-que/picnic littered with men that cheated, lied, rejected, and/or misused me; and pretty much every woman I've ever hated, even the ones I don't know but hate from afar for simply being (see earlier blog post re: hop bitch hop); and everyone is just awed and jealous and properly chastised.... It's petty but when you can see your JOWLS bouncing and smell your own pit-stank and your stomach is growling so loud the chick on the machine one over keeps looking at you like she's afraid you might get just hungry enough to resort to cannibalism and you just want to quit, that mean spirited petty little daydream gets you thru those last ten minutes with a fucking grin.

Maybe today's title should be malacious, instead of intrepidatious?

Then later I'm in my office, snacking on peanuts, and a co-worker stops by and says OMG are you counting your sad little peanuts before you eat them???? And all I had to fall back on was: well they're good for you but high in calories and now I've got to start over thank you very much! I love her to death but she just earned herself a place at Becky's Petty Picnic.

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